every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
