i dont even know how to be here
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
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Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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