I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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