dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
