You made me cry and you don't even care
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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