I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
