drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
