They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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