Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
