Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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