Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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