At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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