You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
