yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
