Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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