she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
