I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
