perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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