Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
