I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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