Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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