there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
