i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
