I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
