Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
