I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
