Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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