Kiss
Puke
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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