the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.