I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing