last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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