i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
did i walk over a car last night?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
