i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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