I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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