i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dick very happy bro
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
