As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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