It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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