where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You pole danced in your parka.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book