do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.