dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for