Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song