Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.