literally had 100 drinks last night.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.