So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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