His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
