I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She even gives head with a lisp.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
