So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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