i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
