youre lurking in front of me
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
