but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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