they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
