i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we made out on top of his cat.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
