i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
well you can't waste a boner
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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