Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
