you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
