can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
