I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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