Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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