Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
