I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
