I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
