we have pet lesbian snakes
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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