Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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