imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
