Already got asked if we're dating
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
