This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
