it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
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so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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