I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
