When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
