i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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