captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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