She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
