When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
