why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
