The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
